The holidays are just around the corner and while this time of year can be a ton of fun, it can also be a time of stress and anxiety. Things can become even more stressful at family gatherings. The dysfunctional family dynamics that occur during the holidays are rooted in the painful memories of the past. Old wounds are reopened and we often revert back to childhood coping patterns. But the good news is that we are no longer our 7 year old self. We are rational and insightful adults.
Today’s video will provide you with strategies to help you get through and survive your family holidays.
1. Think ahead to the kinds of situations and challenges that may present themselves and identify your triggers.
Triggers can include people, sounds, tone of voice, foods and emotional environment. A trigger can be a family member trying to highjack the day, no one asking you how you are doing or a lack of respect for your dietary restrictions.
2. Have some of your coping strategies ready for your triggers
You may want to go for a walk, call a friend or hang out in another room for a few minutes. You can also use the STOP method. This method will empower you by helping you choose the most beneficial response to others. This method reduces impulsive responses that you may regret later.
Here is how this method works:
Stop
Take a breath
Observe the sensations in your body, your emotions, your thoughts and your interaction with the other person
Proceed in a way that best supports you, the other person, and your relationship
3. Do not take things personally
Other people’s triggers may be completely unrelated to you. When you do take things personally and react, you are fueling the fire. When you make it a habit of not taking things personally, it helps free you to be yourself.
4. Allow time to recover
Even if you have implemented the tips above, if there is an argument, it does not mean that it will not hurt. You can set boundaries and attend a gathering for a defined amount of time. Make sure you plan time to rest and recover after and in between events. Take care of yourself and relax especially if you are usually the one taking care of others. Remember, you have to replenish your energy before you can give to others.
5. Celebrate!
Even though the holidays can be a stressful time, have fun! Unwind and enjoy the playful energy of the holidays with those you love.
What are your strategies for handling stress at family holiday gathers? Please share them with me in the comments!