“I will start my own business once I finish two more courses and that stack of business books by my bed.” Or “I will sign up for online dating in two or three months, I just need more time to myself.” If you are looking for reasons to push something off rather than take immediate action, ask yourself if you are lacking confidence. I see it often, individuals put off shining their light until they feel confident to take on the world. But will you ever feel completely?
Confidence is a tricky. How are you to feel confident about going out and meeting people if you are too shy to in the first place? Looking confident will go a long way. Act like you are confident until you gain the experience or tools necessary. Before you know it, it will start feeling more natural. Confidence is like a muscle, the more you work it out, the stronger it becomes. That’s where the phrase, “fake it ‘til you make it” comes in. When you act confident, your logical brain overrides the emotional brain; the part of your brain that says you can’t do it. The more you do it, the stronger your logical brain becomes. This training reinforces the neural pathways. Eventually you become more confident. It’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not, rather you are practicing to be someone you will become.
While you are building your confidence, there are a few things to keep in mind. For starters, we cannot be amazing at everything so you need to trust your capabilities. Be confident in your potential and in your passion. When I first started, I was so scared, but I had such a passion for helping others, so I focused on my passion and my desire to help others. Trust that you can handle what comes up. Don’t become paralyzed by what you don’t know or are not good at. You will figure it out. Focus on your willingness and your ability to roll up your sleeves and learn. If you do fumble or make a mistake, and it will happen, don’t dwell on it. Instead take it as an opportunity to grow and learn.
Let go of control and trust. Many individuals obtain their confidence in their ability to control. We can’t control everything and even the most confident people, will crumble when they sense that loss of control. The need to control creates a lot of pressure. Don’t let the lack of control diminish your confidence. Be ok with the ups and downs that life brings. Know that you are competent and can deal with what life throws at you. You may not exactly know what you are going to do, but you will figure it out.
For some, fear interferes with their ability to be confident. Fear is very real. It is a primal and hard-wired state of mind. It serves to protect us. Observe these fears. What are they about? Is your fear of failure causing you to procrastinate? Are you worried about what others will say or think, because you lack of confidence in yourself?
Watch out for negative beliefs. Do you have an inner critic that is constantly criticizing you? Do you find yourself feeling or saying that you are not ready, you are not good enough or that you are powerless? Recognize that these are negative self-esteem beliefs that unconsciously lower your self-confidence. In order to become confident, you need to eliminate these beliefs. The first step is to recognize them. Since our belief system stems from our childhood, take some time to think about the beliefs system in your family. Did you grow up thinking that things were never good enough? Were you told that you should have gotten a 90% and not an 80% on a test? These beliefs may still be with you today. Becoming aware of the negative thoughts that may be sabotaging your confidence is a huge step in eliminating them. Monitor them and catch them before they have time to become entrenched.
There may never be a perfect time to start something new, but don’t let your confidence level get in your way. Instead fake it ‘til you make it. Trust yourself and your passion and don’t let negative thoughts interfere with your ability to share you gifts and shine your light on the world.
Have you had to work on being more confident? If so, I would love to hear your tips on becoming more confident.